Not Your Mother: Just a Mother

....Thoughts of a twelve year old boy, if paid attention to lays  foundation for the actions of a forty year old man.

I can only imagine the pain of being where you are and being you right now. I can only wonder what it feels like having to live with the reality of mummy not being with us no more, especially to make bugging phone calls asking where you are; what you are up to or who that new girl on your Twitter avi is. Like I earlier said,  I can only imagine what you go through day and night and the horrors that strike within the confines of your mind.

I wish I could be her, I tried to pick off where she left it all.  I assumed it was an easy task to just wake up the next morning after we put dust on her to tell you whats and whatnot involved in being the good man she was molding out of you. I know what it's like to have someone and lose them but not before skiing together in the northern pole or bungee jumping half way across Europe. I know what it is to be loved unconditionally by mere human, I know how it feels to have someone vouch for me even without certainty of my involvement, I know what it's like to wake up in early hours of midnight; and having someone stare into the windows to my soul as she dabs my sweaty head and also observe my body heat for impending fever,  I know what's like to have someone I can always reach out to concerning marital issues beyond my comprehension but what I don't know is what it feels like to lose the only person who loves you like God would at a very tender age.

This is why I said I can only imagine the pain and agony that bereft your tender soul daily,  I can only imagine how you now feel each time you catch a  glimpse of that portrait you gave her for her golden jubilee,  if only you knew those words would have meant nothing to the angel of death. However,  I have tried to imagine how I could be her and continue from where she dropped off but it hasn't been easy even looking at you with such good intentions - all I can remember is her usual prayer "may we not be replaced by any other and may our responsibility never be shared among others".

So this is why I write you this note to assure you that I would be right here when you are done grieving, I will be be here when you are ready to have someone close to a mother figure again in your life,  I will make a plan based on the blue print she laid for your future and I will stop at nothing to see you become that man she always wished for. I saw the way she looked at your other aunt viola's son the week he got back with his masters degree from Adelaide; now everything makes more sense and I have decided to preserve her memories, to cherish and nurture them for the future; not mine but your future. I will make a man out of you that will meet her expectations  as she remains with us in spirit and observes from the other side; I will make sure your excellence surpass her expectations so that her spirit will not only smile down on you but also pray for me and my offspring too. 

Lastly boy,  I will make the remaining of your life worth the while and remember it's fine to miss her every now and then but I will make sure you never for once feel unattended enough to miss her.